Before I became a mother I remember reading somewhere that having children means your heart now grows on the outside of your body rather than safely tucked inside.  I remember thinking that while a nice sentiment that was a bit of a stretch.  I now know different.  It’s exactly like that.  Being a mother brings worry, fear, and a fierce need to protect.  But it also brings unmeasured joy, pride, excitement, and wonder.  I’ve been blessed beyond belief to experience this four times.  They are each unique and yet the same.  They have very different personalities but when it comes down to it they share the same values, and beliefs, and sense of family.  And the fact that I was given the opportunity to have a part in that is the most amazing gift.  Meet my children.

This is my Mischelle.  She never met a stranger.  She loves people and loves to make them happy whether she’s known them her whole life or five minutes.  She’s got an infectious smile and a love of life that is completely contagious.  She loves fearlessly.  Gives freely.  And will protect those closest to her with everything she has.  As she’s grown she’s become a take- charge kind of person.  She doesn’t “wish” things would happen, she makes them happen.  She’s beautiful in every way.

This is my Eric.  Over the years I’ve watched him play about a million soccer games.  On the field he is driven, determined, unwavering.  He’s a thinker.  He plays smart, and agressive, and he’ll surprise you sometimes with a move you never saw coming.  He puts the pressure of the team on his own shoulders and becomes a leader among them.  He never says quit and when others around him start to waiver he picks them up and pushes them on with encouragement, not criticism.  His approach to life is the same as his approach to the game.   He works hard, plays hard,  steps up when he needs to, and motivates the people in his life to do the same.

Those who know me know that Mischelle and Eric came into my life as they were just entering the world of pre-teen craziness.  It’s a time where things could have been so different.  There could have been resentment, and distance, and a difficult road ahead.  But instead there was patience, respect, acceptance, and understanding, and more love than I could ever have imagined.  When I was a child I remember a friend of my mom’s doing a cross stitch for someone who had adopted a child.  It read:

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,

But still very much my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You did not grow under my heart, but in it.

When I read that 30 years ago it touched me.  And I never forgot it.  Now I know why.

This is my Caroline.  She’s the miracle I never thought I’d have.  She’s got the sweetest soul I’ve ever known.  She’s kind, loving, and  would do anything to make someone happy.  She’s smart, and funny, and loves the animals in her life just as much as the people in her life.  Her favorite quote is “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway” by John Wayne and that’s how she goes through life.  She’s not always fearless, but she doesn’t let it get in her way.  She is strong beyond measure and makes those around her stronger.   She is nurturing, encouraging, and a natural leader.

This is my Cale.  He came into this world at 90 miles and hour and hasn’t stopped since.  He’s energetic, athletic, fearless.  When he was about two if I ever heard “one…two….” I better find him fast because he was about to jump off of whatever he had climbed on without regard to how high he was or what was waiting below him.  That’s Cale.  He doesn’t always think about what lies ahead, he just lives in the moment and so often I envy that.  He is a giver.  I’ve seen him give away his own Halloween candy when the bowl ran empty rather than turn off the light and turn kids away.  He’d give away any toy he has to someone who didn’t have one.  And he never passes a collection jar, food drive, toy drive or Angel tree that he doesn’t want to do something to help.  He laughs all the way down to his toes and it’s music to my soul.

My big kids are grown and gone now out setting the world on fire and making me so very proud.  So we don’t get all of us together as often as we used to.  But this Christmas we did.  It was unbelievable to see them all at home together.  We laughed and loved and made memories that I’ll never forget.  And the four of them became even closer than they were before.  I’ve learned throughout my life that friends will come and go, loves will be lost, and eventually those we looked up to in our lives will be gone.  When it comes down to it your siblings are the ones who are there through it all.  They can be your best friend, your trusted confidante, your strongest supporter, and one to give you a swift kick when you need it.  I feel so fortunate that I have that in my life and that my children do as well.

I don’t know what I did to deserve them, but I am more and more grateful for each of them every day.

I was not there when he lost his first tooth, but I was there when an overzealous forward knocked out its replacement.  I was not there when he took his first steps, but I was there when he went to his first dance.  I was not there when he learned to ride a bike, but I taught him to drive a car.  I was not there when he was small to chase away bad dreams, but I was there when one of the many, many x-rays from the many, many sports injuries found something so scary it felt like our worst nightmare until we knew he was ok and we could breathe again.  Many women learn how to be mothers when they bring their new baby home all shiny and new.  I learned how to be a mother when Eric and his sister Mischelle came into my life in all their pre-teen glory.  Of all the many blessings I’ve been given in my life I count them among the greatest.  I’m so grateful for them and for the very special lady and dear friend who shares them with me.   And so I introduce you to someone I have the privilege of calling my son, Eric and his beautiful Calla.

I love how they make each other laugh all the time.

Eric and Calla you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside and I am so glad we were able to spend the weekend at the beach.  Thanks for putting up with my camera and for being gracious losers when it came time to whip you at Scrabble.  I can’t wait for a re-match.

When I was a little girl my friends and I used to spend every day on the playground playing horses.  We ate, slept, and breathed horses and dreamed of the day we’d have one of our own.  Some dreams don’t come true.  But maybe there are other dreams that do.  My kids are my greatest dream come true.  And my daughter is so much like me in so many ways, not the least of which is her love for horses.  She’s a far better horsewoman than I ever was and seeing her dream come true is so much better than my own.

This is Gracie.  She’s a 16hh Tennessee Walking Horse.  This is her first time at the barn and the boys are all checking out the new girl.

Mares are not so different from girls.  The boss mare is the mean girl at lunch and she doesn’t like any new girls coming into her territory.  That’s the boss mare standing behind making sure the boys don’t get too comfortable with Gracie.

The boss mare decides to check Gracie out a little more closely.  She’s just jealous because Gracie’s prettier than she is.

And really…. who could blame her?

When I was a little girl I had a dream.  Who says dreams don’t come true?